Tuesday, January 3, 2017


I used to be a worrier. 

My dysfunctional childhood provided many opportunities
 to hone my belief that I was somehow in control of life.
I used to think - 
I'll just keep that thought on my "WORRY LIST"
and if I think hard enough 
and figure out what bad might be coming, 
I'll be able to 
do something to prevent its occurrence

This was truth for me. 

Then, in January of 2016,
something not even top one million 
on my list of things to worry about 

I was diagnosed with colon cancer. 

The world paused
the walls swayed in and out
my breath got stuck in my throat.

As the doctor's words swirled
and my brain tried to wrap around what she had just said
one thing became crystal clear - 

I was not in control of life
never had been
it was time to stop focusing on worry!

Ironically, in the midst of all the 
worrisome implications of this diagnosis

 I felt 
even giddy.


Gradually over the next few weeks,
I redefined my intention for living.

No longer 
 would I exhaust my self 
believing that it was up to me to prevent
bad things from 
from happening.
To avoid feeling
To stop being so paralyzed 
with worry about "bad" that 
I was forgetting about "good".

My new intention was to let life happen.
To experience all that that means.
Honoring one feeling at a time
and trusting. 

The world is a place 
filled with good things happening 
- truth - 
and I was going to seek them out - 
even through cancer.

And, by golly, I was going to use quilting to do it!!!!

These are my littlebits ( usually 10x12 ish) of therapy
that I created every few weeks this past year to
help me stay focused on my intention.

This is me and my husband 
riding the waves of whatever happens 
in a boat called Hope.

One kind doctor's assistant said to me, 
"You know, chemo isn't like how they show it in the movies.
Some people sail right through." I went home and made this
littlebit of me sailing through it 
on a strong and balanced catamaran with a great sail. 

These are the chemo fairies 
that filled my insides for six months 
with their happy hardworking scrubbing.

This is the supportive path that I walk,
one step at a time,
with strong support 
from my tough Ukrainian ancestry 
(represented by nesting dolls and a 
strong ancient tree with deep roots).

This is me 
owning the courage and strength that is in me
as I dance happily in a field of flowers.

After six months of chemo 
came 28 days of radiation.
I chose to imagine
that the big loud scary machine 
was radiating love through me.

I made it!
Someone asked, "are you celebrating?"
Celebrating that I am on the curative path
having made it through cancer treatment 
with my cavemen family and princess girlfriend support?

Why YES!


  1. You have so much Sparkle and Beauty in you, it just radiates from you, what a journey and what an incredible post that you have shared with us. Blessings💕

  2. May you continue down your Joyous voyage...good for you--lovely quilts that show your strength and courage and belief in yourself. Hugs for a healthy and Happy New Year Julierose

  3. Marvelous post and congratulations to you for realizing and celebrating your new wisdom.

  4. Tears come to my eyes as I read this--joy tears. I think the first quilt says it all, riding on top of the waves. You've kept your intention clear in some of the toughest times of your life, and you've worked to keep it alive. Bravo bravo bravo!! May the rest of your life be a beautiful encore!

  5. Enjoy your creative journey. It speaks volumes. Celebrate your victories and find something in each day to joyful about. Many blessings to you as you walk in your healing.

  6. Congratulations on being a fighter. I had a tumour in my abdomen removed a few years ago. A scary time but less so when faced with optimism and positive energy xxx

  7. Wow you have been through a lot. I do hope that 2017 is much better for you. Lots of health and happiness. You made a lot of wonderful inspirational art, which I hope you will continue. You're right - worrying about things really does us no good. Sure, sometimes it is good to take actions to protect us and prevent us from mishaps, but like you said, you might get hit with something you never even thought about!

  8. Thank you for this post. Blessings and best wishes for you. You and your quilts are inspiring.