I used to be a worrier.
My dysfunctional childhood provided many opportunities
to hone my belief that I was somehow in control of life.
I used to think -
I'll just keep that thought on my "WORRY LIST"
and if I think hard enough
and figure out what bad might be coming,
I'll be able to
do something to prevent its occurrence.
This was truth for me.
Then, in January of 2016,
something not even top one million
on my list of things to worry about
I was diagnosed with colon cancer.
The world paused
the walls swayed in and out
my breath got stuck in my throat.
As the doctor's words swirled
and my brain tried to wrap around what she had just said
one thing became crystal clear -
I was not in control of life
never had been
it was time to stop focusing on worry!
Ironically, in the midst of all the
worrisome implications of this diagnosis
Gradually over the next few weeks,
I redefined my intention for living.
would I exhaust my self
believing that it was up to me to prevent
bad things from
To avoid feeling
To stop being so paralyzed
with worry about "bad" that
I was forgetting about "good".
My new intention was to let life happen.
To experience all that that means.
Honoring one feeling at a time
The world is a place
filled with good things happening
- truth -
and I was going to seek them out -
even through cancer.
And, by golly, I was going to use quilting to do it!!!!
These are my littlebits ( usually 10x12 ish) of therapy
that I created every few weeks this past year to
help me stay focused on my intention.
This is me and my husband
riding the waves of whatever happens
in a boat called Hope.
One kind doctor's assistant said to me,
"You know, chemo isn't like how they show it in the movies.
Some people sail right through." I went home and made this
littlebit of me sailing through it
on a strong and balanced catamaran with a great sail.
These are the chemo fairies
that filled my insides for six months
with their happy hardworking scrubbing.
This is the supportive path that I walk,
one step at a time,
with strong support
from my tough Ukrainian ancestry
(represented by nesting dolls and a
strong ancient tree with deep roots).
This is me
owning the courage and strength that is in me
as I dance happily in a field of flowers.
After six months of chemo
came 28 days of radiation.
I chose to imagine
that the big loud scary machine
was radiating love through me.
I made it!
Someone asked, "are you celebrating?"
Celebrating that I am on the curative path
having made it through cancer treatment
with my cavemen family and princess girlfriend support?
YES, I AM CELEBRATING!